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Angst-filled song

The person who I asked to read this over before I posted it said he almost cried, so I think I've done well... or badly, since I'll make people sad. ^.^;; Sorry, sorry.

This is meant to be a song, but I don't have a tune for it yet.



[Verse 1]
Trapped behind this unlocked door,
Staring out my window at the freedom so far away.
My heart's wishing that there was more
Love. I know there used to be, some days.

Now, there's a would-be mother and
You: A father who ignores me and
I'm staying out as late as I can

[chorus]
So I don't I have see your back;
Always turned my way, these days
So you don't see the joy I lack;
It's always because of you, these days.
[end chorus]

[Verse 2]
This place called home is where my heart dies,
Watching strangers I used to love drift away.
My walls didn't always echo with sighs,
But I just can't remember when, some days.

Now the only time I'm happy's when
I'm not within these empty halls, when
The only ones near are my beloved friends.

[repeat chorus]

[Bridge]
This has just gone on for so long ...
I'm not even going to consider thinking
Of maybe caring
and maybe hurting.
I'll just stare up at the ceiling,
More than maybe crying because I'm leaving,
But when I leave I won't miss you

[Final chorus]
'Cause I won't have to see your back
And know I've forgotten your face, these days
I'll go find the love and joy I lack,
And trust me, I'm not coming back.
Sorry, father, you're getting sacked
And I'll never, ever look back on these days.



Comments? Suggestions about the poem? Please?

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
liadan_m
May. 6th, 2004 09:22 pm (UTC)
it sounds familiar...not the poetry, the story. Familiar but diffrent.

I like it. When you get a tune, let me know.
crannyapple
May. 7th, 2004 10:20 am (UTC)
Do you mind if I play around with some riffs for these lyrics? I can smell the music already. *drools*
cranberrynomiko
May. 7th, 2004 11:45 am (UTC)
Please do. I kind of hear it as more of an "Angsty rock ballad" than anything, but do what ya want. Just teach me the tune if you work it out!
(Anonymous)
May. 7th, 2004 12:13 pm (UTC)
Only beacuse I promised will I not send this to your father, but I'm thinking a light tap (at about 90MPH) on the forehead with a Louisville slugger is in order....*looking for tequilla.gif*

I am sorry life is hurting you and I'd fix it if I could. All I can do is tell you that I love you.

Grizzly Bear Mom....
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )