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Ok, after reading Maria-chan's entry, I felt like writing a (real) entry of my own. ^.^

I've been pretty emotional lately. Not like, "Oh my GOD, the world is so unfair~~~~!" emotional, just I've been feeling a lot of different emotions. I've managed to be happy and sad at the same time. o.o It's scary.

Going to my mom's wedding made me look closer at *why* I feel things, and how I deal with my emotions. My mom and Brian-dad are together almost 24/7. Brian works from home and mom doesn't work, so they see each other every minute of every day, except for times when one of them goes out without the other. (Not very often.) Even though they're always together, they don't ever seriously fight, and they *RARELY* argue.

It kind of made me wonder, how they could stand each other after being together sooooo much. Usually, if you spend too much time with someone-anyone-they'll start to get on your nerves. Even if you love them.

Well, one morning I was talking to my mom and she said something like, "Every day, I choose to love Brian." When she said that, she really made me start thinking.

In high school, (almost) no one forces themselves to stay with someone if they don't "love" them anymore. I mean "love" as in the warm, fuzzy, happy feelings, everything's right with the world, blah blah blah. The crush. When that ends, people wander off to get a new crush. Who'd want to stay with someone after they realized that the person *is* actually a human being, with flaws? It's not a fairy tale romance anymore if they have annoying habits that drive you insane, if they're not quite the nice person you thought they were.

It sounds like I'm accusing everyone of being idiots. Well, I am, myself very much so included. I have been just as blind as everyone else when I "fell in love" with a guy. I have even not listened to my friends when they tried to tell me my boyfriend was a complete jerk. Yeah, I've been a major idiot, but I want to stop being an idiot now.

So, to everybody out there that has romantic feelings for someone else: realize that if you want it to last, you're going to have to *make* it work. Somedays, it'll probably be like trying to force a jigsaw piece to fit in the wrong spot, awkward, uncomfortable, and just wrong. If you struggle through it, you'll have the most beautiful jigsaw puzzle the world's ever seen.

Go for it, everybody, and good luck! ^.^

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
miss_vicki
Apr. 14th, 2003 10:11 pm (UTC)
I really liked what you said in this about the jigsaw puzzle. You are right and wise beyond your years. Knowing that will come in very handy when you are about to strangle the man you love for simply not rinsing his whiskers down the sink! It's the small stuff that drives us most crazy sometimes.
V.
cranberrynomiko
Apr. 15th, 2003 07:20 am (UTC)
I think any wisdom I have came from my mom. ^.^ What's funny is that she also says it's the little things that drive us insane.
(Anonymous)
Apr. 19th, 2003 04:47 pm (UTC)
There are so many things I would say to you here. Thank you for seeing that love is a choice, that is very important.

One thing I always wanted you to know, is what a good relationship looked like, one of the reasons I left there, was because I didn't want you to grow up thinking that it was 'normal' the way your dad and I were living.

Yes, Brian-dad and I live in each others back pockets, we never fight and rarely disagree. What makes it work is a healthy dose of respect and acceptance. I choose to love him every day and more important I ACCEPT that he loves me, by the same kind of choice.

Sometimes accepting we are loved is hardest for us. It is easy to give love, but learning to let folks love us and to love ourselves is a skill sadly few folks get...some of us it takes a very long time.

You are very special and very wise and I am proud you are my daughter.

Love Cranberry-Mom

PS: we recharged your Starbucks card today...<<>>
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )