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Wow. I actually wrote something. Sure, it's a random scene in the middle of a story that hasn't been written, and I forgot to describe one of the characters, but it's something! ^.^

Let's see... there's some vague yaoi-ness, chained up bishi, excessive sarcasm... not a lot in the way of warnings. For anyone that'd like to know, Fareth (who I need a new name for)has black hair to the middle of his back with a wide silver streak that hangs over one eye. He usually wears lots of black and silver. Think of him as a very sexy monochrome man. ^.^;;

Anyway,

After Fareth's temper had calmed down, he began to think that he shouldn't have left the boy chained in the dungeon. He tried to run away, he told himself, I was only doing what I would do with any prisoner that tried to escape. Even as Fareth thought the words, he realized they were only excuses. This particular prisoner was far beyond ordinary, both in appearance and circumstances. I should treat him more like a guest than a prisoner, really.

Fareth was already striding from his comfortable sitting room and down the stairs to the less than comfortable dungeons as the thought crossed his mind. His booted feet drummed a confident rhythm down the steps, accompanied by the soft jangle of his silver link belt. Fareth paused outside the cell he had set the boy in, listening for the usual sounds of sobbing or rattling chains. He heard nothing, and a frown crossed his face. He was a prized, pampered slave before; he should be near hysterics now, not silent. Fareth opened the cell's door and looked over the boy chained to the far wall.

Standing in a tiny patch of sunlight, the boy looked like a cross between the most beautiful angel and the most tempting incubus. The sun drew lines of gold down the length of his hair, which ended near his waist, and caressed every line of his pale skin. The thin gold bands of his collar and manacles looked too beautiful to be a mark of ownership, even with unbreakable golden chains hanging off them. Loose white pants slid low on one side, baring more skin that Fareth ached to reach out and touch. He reached out with one hand and took half a step forward when the boy's head jerked up. Fareth's ice blue eyes met an angry glare of gold and he quickly pulled his hand back.

"Forgive me," he murmured, "I have no right to touch you." And you have no right to be so tempting, he added to himself.

"Hardly something to apologize for," the boy stated, "After you've kidnapped me and chained me in a dungeon. It's not like I am untouched, after all."

Fareth winced. The open hostility was not unexpected, but not what he had hoped for either. "Would you give me your word not to attempt to escape again, if I released you?"

"How do I know that you will keep your end of the bargain after I've given my word?" Seriph's beautiful face was still twisted into a scowl.

"I'm afraid all I have to offer in return is my word, which you have no reason to trust," Fareth knelt on the dusty stone floor, "But I give you my word that you will have your freedom, and will not be harmed in any way." Fareth gently caught one of Seriph's hands and brushed his lips across the back. "I will swear on anything you wish."

"I believe that I will trust your word, although I can only wonder what your definition of harm is," Seriph sighed, "Release me, and you have my word that I shall not try to escape or intentionally wrong you."

Fareth muttered a word of unbinding and the delicate golden locks on Seriph's chains clattered to the ground.

"I thank you for releasing me," Seriph bowed low, his hair almost brushing the floor.

"Hardly something to thank me for," Fareth mimicked, "After I kidnapped you and chained you in a dungeon."

A faint smile flickered over Seriph's mouth. "You didn't have to release me. You could have easily left me to die down here."

"I most certainly could not have! I may have very few morals, but I refuse to let someone so beautiful languish in my dungeon. Unless they really want to, of course," Fareth winked, "Now then, lovely, would you be so kind as to introduce yourself before I make up some horrible pet nickname for you?"

"Seriph."

"That's not much of an introduction," Fareth muttered.

"What were you looking for, something along the lines of, 'My name is Seriph and my hobbies are dancing and falling madly in love with my kidnappers?'"

"You really have a sharp tongue for someone who's spent his live in servitude," Fareth commented, arching an eyebrow.

"I have too much free time and a lack of company with minds. Call it a hobby of self-defense."

"Well, I'll just have to accept that introduction then," Fareth bowed, "I am Fareth Aken, immoral mage and kidnapper of beautiful young men. Pleased to meet you."

Seriph's mouth twitched, then broke into a radient smile. "You know, I think I might actually be pleased to meet you too," he laughed.


Comments, please? This is absolutely rough, so anything is helpful even if it's just a, "Well, I liked this part, but this part sucked."

Unrelatedly(which isn't a word), has anyone ever tried putting peppermint flavoring into a cup of cocoa? ^.....^ It's really really good. Go try it!

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
crannyapple
Jul. 27th, 2003 02:27 pm (UTC)
Fwah!!! It's greatness!!
I've always enjoyed the dialogue you write between your characters. It's very thought out and unique. I liked how Fareth copied the line Seriph used on him, that adds a comical touch to the whole scene, kinda like Fareth is trying to "break the ice" between him and Seriph. Um, and chained bishi are always good. *thumbs up*

I love your descriptions! My fav is "The sun drew lines of gold down the length of his hair, which ended near his waist, and caressed every line of his pale skin." And how you described the chains and stuff as gold, I get this picture in my mind of this etherial-looking being who's trapped in very contrasting environment...I can understand why Fareth wants to touch him ^_~.

A little constructive criticism if you don't mind...
The phrase "Even as Fareth thought the words..." sounds kinda odd to me because usually people think thoughts and not words. Maybe you were trying to get something else across with that, I don't know.

Seriph's attitude changes quickly in this scene. It's a little fast-paced if you ask me. At the beginning, I was under the impression that he hated Fareth and didn't want to cooperate with him at all, but then he seems to like Fareth after their little "talk."

Overall it's a great part of your story (plus the first part you let me read was great too)I can't wait to read more of it! Good luck on your writing!!
cranberrynomiko
Jul. 27th, 2003 07:30 pm (UTC)
Kya~n! Arigatou gozaimashita!
Thank you so much for commenting, Cran-chan! The next part of the story I write is dedicated to you in advance. ^.^

A little constructive criticism if you don't mind...

Please, please, please, criticize me. A lot. I sound like some kind of writing masochist, but it's true! I need all the constructive criticism I can get my hands on so I can improve! Arigatou~!
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )